In The Beginning…
My wife, Chrissy, and I met in college but our first memories of each other are quite different.
I first noticed her in a class that we took together. She caught my eye. I thought she was pretty.
But did she notice me? Nope. She has absolutely no recollection of ever seeing me in that class.
Her first memory of me is about a year later. I had taken a year off from college and came back to visit my sister, who was a student there. At that time Chrissy was my sister’s friend. Not only that, but she was her roommate. It was upon our arrival at the school cafeteria that she remembers meeting me.
And what was her first impression?
She thought I was weird.
You see, a friend and I had driven for eight hours from Maine to Pennsylvania. We were both quiet guys and upon our arrival to the school we claimed that we had not talked the entire trip. I am sure we were exaggerating, at least a little, but as a result, Chrissy’s first impression was that I was weird.
Getting to Know Each Other
We have been getting to know each other ever since. And, even though I still think she is pretty and she still thinks I am weird, we are much better acquainted.
We know each other better now than we ever have. But even still, sometimes it strikes me how much more there is yet to know.
Dating is a fun way to continue to get to know each other.
Two powerful date ideas to help you get better acquainted
1. Double Date
Arrange for a double date. To get the most out of this go out with a couple you don’t know well.
Pay special attention to your spouse as you meet this other couple. This is a great way to gain a fresh perspective and get to know your spouse better.
See our prior post: Double Date: Get a New View of Your Spouse for more on this.
2. Date Night Questions
Use one or more of the following lists of questions on your next date together.
50 Questions to Get to Know Someone from Humor that Works
50 Questions to Ask Your Spouse on a Date Night from Zach Terry
45 Questions to Ask to Get to Know Someone from Life Hack
21 Questions to Ask on Date Night by Dave Willis
Don’t allow yourself to become too familiar with each other. To really know and be known is critical for healthy intimacy. Asking questions is great way to continue to get to know each other better.
At the onset of romantic relationships we seek to become familiar with one another. After all, that’s the only way that we can truly know of each other. If love and intimacy are the goals they can only be achieved through a more intimate knowing of one another. The difficulties that marriages endure are not derived from this intimacy, but are caused by a turning away from each other. ~ Mel Schwartz
Turn toward each other on a double date or with these questions.
Better yet, try a double date and ask the questions! How well do you really know your spouse? You may be surprised!
Tell us, what is your first memory of your spouse?
What is your spouse’s first memory of you?
Do your memories match or are they different like ours?
Be sure to sign up to get our Free Date Tip & Reminder every Friday!
messymarriage says
I noticed my husband before he noticed me. He was a handsome new guy on a campus where girls outnumbered the guys 3 to 1 and most of the “1’s” were not very good looking to boot! ha! It’s fun to think about those long ago days, Steve. And even better to share them in conversation with another couple. I am going to gladly use the lists of questions you’ve provided for us today and really do this double date thing! I’ve been thinking about going on one recently with a couple I’d like to get to know better, so this is just the encouragement I need to get this planned! Thanks for sharing and linking up!
Cari says
I just joined today. I was searching for some reviews for the Groupon Mystery Date and the possible restaurants. (The only one I found was Cazbar in the Little Italy area, which BTW got great, glowing reviews! Only problem is my SO isn’t very adventurous when it comes to food.)
Anyway, I was searching this site to see where I might post a date idea and thought I’d post here because I think trust is crucial to happy relationship. Steve had mentioned something about a bucket list (do you know your spouse’s list?). One of my items is going on a hot air balloon ride, which I had always secretly hoped that a boyfriend had done for me. I’m quasi-height phobic so I thought this would be one way to get over it. What better way, then to be “trapped” in a basket-type contraption umpteen feet above the ground! What do you think of this idea?
I also wanted to mention something else I saw on Groupon that would be a neat cheap thoughtfull thing to do. Rather than buy flowers, you could buy some if those Chinese lanterns. They look so romantic. Check them out on Groupon; I think they are reasonable.
Well, thanks for letting me share.
Cari
Jerry Stumpf says
Steve,
The more I see on your site, the better it looks. It is very clean and appealing. Something I am working on for my site.
Great information to encourage marriages and dating relationships.
Keep up the work.
Jerry Stumpf