Five years ago we bought a boat, kicked the kids out of the house and went sailing. Living and working together twenty-four seven had a powerful effect on our marriage of twenty years.
Owning a boat changed our priorities. The boat came first. If you think that is a recipe for potential relationship disaster, I agree with you.
The Storm of Argument
On the ocean you are entirely at the mercy of the elements. This influences the way we communicate. Shouting above a howling wind, to haul a sail or grab a line or the helm, does not allow for pleasantries and good manners.
Afterwards you may feel attacked or devalued and you react. On a boat, you can’t walk out or slam a door, so you fight.
Another fertile breeding ground for arguments is being together all the time. We have to let off steam in some way. The only reason we have not yet killed each other is because I’m not ready for jail just yet.
Conflict, misunderstandings and arguments are part of our life. We cannot change that. It’s easy to argue; things go wrong, stuff break, the stress and anxiety of sailing, dealing with bad weather and unforeseen situations.
Our Anchor through the Storm
My spouse and I are good friends as well as marriage partners. I believe that friends can argue, be misunderstood, and still be friends. Our marriage works the same way. [Tweet “A little patience and kindness goes a long way.”]A chilled glass of wine after a long day, a good meal, conversation and a real date on land now and again, make all the difference.
We love each other even when we don’t like each other. That’s the reality of our life. What ties us most strongly is our mutual love for the ocean, our boat Mojito, and living life on our terms, close to nature.
Every morning at sunrise, we will have coffee, while sitting on the aft deck and gaze in wonder at our world. A world that changes every day. These past five years we have travelled to fourteen countries, sailed thousands of miles, crossed the Atlantic, experienced every kind of weather, except hurricanes, seen amazing wild life, like orca whales.
We have sailed through some epic arguments and fights. Our marriage has outlasted many trials and tribulations, and if we keep talking, arguing, making love and dancing on the waves of life, I expect it’ll keep working.
This guest post is by Patricia Storbeck from Mojito and Me. She loves sailing on her yacht Mojito, together with her spouse, James. Together they dance on the waves of life, as they sail along the edge of heaven. She shares bits of wisdom and art through words and her photography. She loves ice-cream.
Beth says
How amazing and brave you and your hubby are, Patricia, to sail around the world for “years!” Yikes! I don’t know if the weather on the high seas or the “climate” of my marriage” while on those high seas would scare me more. I’m sort of claustrophobic too, and living on a boat with no place to get away than overboard would drive me crazy! But you are so right that conflict’s happen in marriage. I’m glad you’ve learned to navigate those with your hubby and are sharing your wisdom and encouragement to persevere with all of us. Thanks also to you, Steve and Chrissy, for linking this up over at Wedded Wed!
Patricia says
Hi Beth,
I don’t know whether amazing and brave is quite the right words. Thank you for saying that. Our marriage will always be ‘stormy’ yet I will not change it for anything. Living on a boat is extremely challenging, not only where relationships are concerned, yet we manage. The longest we have ever been away from land was 15 days, otherwise we are at anchor or in marinas, so I can ‘escape’ now and again.
kath unsworth says
Patricia what a beautiful partnership, I think it would make your love stronger, the challenges you face out there where you only have one an other to rely on. Plus the hot dates on land in some of the romantic countries.
Patricia says
Hi Kath,
You are right, hot dates on land are romantic and we have been in very romantic places too. Islands, deserted beaches, funky cities, tiny villages, you name it. Having to rely totally on your spouse gives a different dimension to a marriage. It definitely is a partnership, too.
Fawn @ Happy Wives Club says
How awesome it is that you guys are able to sail the world together. My hubby and I wake up each morning and have coffee while watching the sail boats go by beneath us. Not quite the same thing but still pretty cool :).
Patricia says
Hey Fawn,
Thank you for the comment. I just love boats and water. That is why I love my boat so much, and every time I swim, she gets a kiss on her ‘nose’. It’s cool that you guys can have coffee while watching boats sail by. There is something very peaceful about them. Tonight we are in La Spezia and Mojito lies quietly at anchor. Listening to the ocean, I wonder what they are whispering about.