There’s an old joke about a guy who brings his wife a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol. She looks at him with a crooked glance and says, “I don’t have a headache.”
“Good,” he says. “We can have sex.”
Although I roll my eyes when I hear this joke for the 5,000th time, I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve made excuses why I don’t have time for my spouse.
Here are 6 common excuses I’ve come up with over the years and how to overcome them. See if any resonate with you.
1. I’m tired.
Whether it’s a headache or I’m exhausted, this excuse is number 1 in my book. If you know there are certain times where you may not feel well or have a long day at work, plan around it.
For example, my husband knows I can’t keep my eyes open past 10:30 if I have an early start time at work the next morning. Instead of staying up late to watch a movie, we’ll talk over coffee in the morning or enjoy breakfast together.
2. I don’t have time.
We all have the same 24 hours in a day, but how you use them is up to you. If your schedule is jam packed to the point where you don’t have time for your spouse, something needs to go.
Look at how you spend your idle time. Facebook, anyone? Cut out activities from your calendar if they aren’t necessary, and eliminate things that don’t add value to your marriage or family.
3. But the kids…
Mom guilt used to be a huge barrier for dating my husband. It’s ok to have someone watch your children for a couple of hours one evening even though you’ve been at work all day. A strong and healthy marriage will empower you to be a better parent.
What happens when the kids are on their own and it’s just you and your spouse? Don’t wait 20 years to try and figure out how to turn your roommate back into your husband.
4. We don’t have enough money.
There is a wealth of information and ideas (hello, Pinterest) for free date nights.
Play 20 questions, go for a walk, or play a board game. Go to the library, create a photo session with each other, have a “slumber party” in the living room, or slow dance in the kitchen.
See? I just gave you a week’s worth of free ideas.
5. I don’t like you right now.
Over the years, there were times I did not like my husband. Love is not always about mushy feelings and butterflies, but rather, it’s a choice we make. Every. Day.
Make the choice to put squabbles and nagging aside. Decide today you will do something together to build up your relationship, even if it’s going for a walk after dinner for 15 minutes. Love requires the decision to take the first step and grow from there.
6. We just don’t have anything in common.
My husband doesn’t like sports. Weird, I know, but I love college basketball. He likes action adventure movies, and I like comedy. Just like love is about action, it’s also about compromise. Take turns choosing your dates. One week, let your spouse take you out, and the next week, take him out.
One of my favorite dates turned out to be a trip to the shooting range. I’m not really into guns, but my husband used to be a shooting instructor in the military. One night, I packed the car with his favorite weapon and ammunition, and I surprised him by renting a lane at our local shooting range. 5 years later, he’s still talking about it.
Dating your spouse is a great way to rekindle friendship and keep the fire going.
It requires effort, dedication, and a little compromise at times, but the payoff will be huge for your relationship in the end.
What excuses will you get rid of today?
This is a guest post by Amanda Snodgrass. She is a Christian writer, wife, and mom, coming alongside others to help discover their true identity and build stronger marriages and families. She has been married to her husband, Jonathan, for 15 years, and they live with their 3 children in the Cincinnati area. You can find more of her stories at amandasnodgrass.com and find her on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.
Elliott Bailey - Date Night Wingman says
Great call on trying something new Amanda. We tried 50’s rock style dancing and it was a blast (even though everyone in the room was 3x our age!)
princevinco says
One of the reason that spouses use “I am tired” as well as other excuses in not spending time with their spouse is because of their level of commitment to each other and to their marriage. Couples who love each other dearly, couples who are deeply committed to each other and to their marriage never have any excuse to give because they see building intimacy with each other as a delight.
It is very obvious, anything that is our priority, we tend to create quality time for it. In the same way, couples who prioritize for their marriage and for each other will surely create and spend time with their spouses.